I was asked recently where and why I came up with the name break up with stress. It was not just one thing that inspired it, but a perfect storm of events that changed my life.

For a long time, I lost myself in my identities, roles and responsibilities…⁣

Mother⁣
Wife⁣
Daughter
Business owner (back then I was a doula and prenatal instructor) ⁣
Etc…⁣

I lost my joy. I forgot my connection to something deeper, wiser, truer. ⁣

Stress became my default mode, without me even realizing it. And on top of that, the burden I made myself carry of taking care of everything and everyone else first, destroyed me because I was doing this out of obligation, not out of love.

After a lot of therapy, dark nights of the soul, and lots and lots of floating, I discovered (or remembered…?) the root of this is: that I did not believe I was worthy and thus, that I had to earn my worth. So from a very young age, I took on the belief that I had to do all the things to prove myself to be worthy of love and acceptance. I can’t even tell you how much I cried that day in therapy when I had this aha moment. I cried for my little self that went through life thinking I needed to be perfect to be worthy and loved.

The perfect daughter. The perfect student. The perfect girlfriend. The perfect friend. The perfect wife. The perfect mother….and when I went through the biggest crisis and change of my life, I was trying to go through it perfectly, and get this, the reason I justified this was so I wouldn’t hurt anyone. Growing up I had always put myself and my needs last, and I was still doing that.

So, of course it was inevitable that adult me crashed and burned. ⁣
I lost my foundation, I lost the ground under my feet that my soul needed to thrive.

It all spiraled from there. I got super sick. I burned out. And I burned everything to the ground along with me.

But that was not the end. It was the beginning of the change I needed. Many people were not a part of my life after that. And that’s ok. Many people judged me for the choices I made. That’s ok too. It’s none of my business what other’s opinions of me are. ⁣

Many more supported me through it. And some more people are part of my life now that support and love me just as I am. Autoimmune disease is also a part of my life now, but it’s been a blessing. It’s been the catalyst I needed to focus on what truly matters. When you’re faced with a health crisis, the end of life becomes a tangible possibility and everything shifts. It is what helped me get started on the path to learn about and prioritize my health and wellness.⁣ And solidify the the core value that health and wellness is the real wealth. Without it, nothing else matters.

My essence is to be a helper. But I do it from love. Always. If it’s not rooted in love, and that sense of guilt and obligation creeps in, my intuition chimes in because it means it’s not the path for me to take. The ability to know the difference between an empowered “No” and an obligation ridden “Yes”, and be able to implement them, has changed my life (among other things!).

Even though I learned the hard way, I don’t choose myself last anymore.

And I’ll do my best to never let my kids (or my clients) believe such lies. I see it in them already, how sure they are in themselves, how they advocate for their wellbeing over social acceptance or some other bullshit. I know I’ll do something “wrong” with them…but it damn sure won’t be this! 

And that’s how I broke up with the toxic relationship I had with stress. I know stress will still exist and be a part of my life, but I have a different relationship with it. I see it coming and I know what to do about it now that doesn’t leave me depleted, broken and resentful. It’s a way more joyful and carefree way to live!

XO,

Kat

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